


<3 </3

by tielan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Internet Friends, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4991746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CapA: Okay, you got me here. What happens next?<br/>WidowSpider: most people start chatting, but feel free to be the strong, silent type if you prefer</p>
            </blockquote>





	<3 </3

**Author's Note:**

> For Philyra, who asked for "Captain Hill, internet friends AU" and was hoping for a You've Got Mail kind of AU. Unfortunately for her, I've never watched _You've Got Mail_ so no go...

**PM: CapA to WidowSpider**

CapA: Okay, you got me here. What happens next?

WidowSpider: most people start chatting, but feel free to be the strong, silent type if you prefer.

\--

**Forums**

CapA: So, I’m Cap.

StarkT: yeah, got that from your name. Cap A as in Captain America, defender of the flag, justice, truth, liberty, yadda yadda

CapA: My unit’s fault. I did something early on, they tagged me and it stuck.

StarkT: oh joy, it’s another military goon.

Bannerman: Stark

HellionHill: Your insecurity is showing, Stark.

StarkT: i always wanted u to notice my insecurity, Hill that’s y I put it on display

WidowSpider: play nice, Stark or P won’t

StarkT: promises promises

HellionHill: CapA, tours?

CapA: Afghanistan, Iran.

StarkT: like everyone else on the planet. u couldn’t be any more vague? altho i guessj if u talk more, u might get Hill kicking in ur door

CapA: HellionHill, are you military, too?

HellionHill: Intelligence.

StarkT: contradiction

WidowSpider: you just wish Hill would kick in your door

StarkT: who doesn’t? but will settle for more abt Cap’s thrilling non-comics escapades and just imagine her storming Cap’s castle…

WidowSpider: he doesn’t have a castle

StarkT: castle, room, cardboard box… hm. cardboard box could b kinky. ooh, yes, Hill, cuff me harder!

HellionHill: Everything’s kinky to you, Stark.

StarkT: wait widow, u’ve seen Cap’s castle? his drawbridge? his bailey?

HellionHill: I don’t even want to know what this conversation is about.

CapA: That makes two of us. Are they usually like this?

HellionHill: You have no idea.

StarkT: but you love us. well, me, anyway. everyone loves me. I’m just a naturally loveable guy. it’s a gift.

CapA: Fort Belvoir?

HellionHill: No.

StarkT: Warm? Cool? How many letters? First syllable sounds like… MARCO!

StarkT: MARCO! C’mon Hill, you’re supposed to say POLO!

StarkT: Fine. Everyone just ignore me.

\--

**PM: CapA to HellionOnHill:**

CapA: So, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea, because Widow makes everything out to be significant, but if I’m being rude or something, just tell me.

CapA: I’m a big guy, I can take it.

HellionHill: So many retorts, only 140 characters.

HellionHill: If you were being rude, I’d let you know.

HellionHill: But kudos for courtesy.

CapA: W keeps telling me courtesy is overrated.

HellionHill: You want to take her advice on courtesy?

HellionHill: She handles with a spider known for biting off heads after sex.

CapA: Point.

CapA: You’ve been friends a while?

HellionHill: Since cadet days. You?

CapA: She drank my unit under the table and then danced with me.

CapA: Not that way.

HellionHill: If it had been that way, you’d be dead.

CapA: Barton, right?

HellionHill: Strong, silent, menacing?

CapA: He seemed nice enough when I met him. He shook hands anyway.

HellionHill: That’s practically a hug for him. You’re buds now. Probably because you didn’t put the moves on N.

HellionHill: You don’t drink?

CapA: The Pope is Catholic?

HellionHill: I mean N drunk your unit under the table, but you still had legs?

CapA: I always have legs, but I don’t get drunk. Metabolic quirk.

HellionHill: Useful.

CapA: Not when you’re always the person driving home.

HellionHill: They can vomit in their own car; that’s my rule of designated driving.

CapA: Sounds good to me.

CapA: Is StarkT always like this?

HellionHill: As in ‘an asshole’? Yes. He’s actually more endurable in person, strange as that may seem.

CapA: You’re friends?

HellionHill: It’s more that I’m friends with his girlfriend. He’s mostly the handbag.

CapA: I don’t even know what that means.

HellionHill: He carries things and dispenses money. And makes inappropriate comments about everything.

CapA: I didn’t know handbags made inappropriate comments.

HellionHill: Stark Industries makes everything. Allegedly.

\--

**PM: WidowSpider to CapA**

WidowSpider: sooooo I hear you and Maria are being friendly

WidowSpider: HellionHill

WidowSpider: lolol didn’t think u2 knew how 2 flirt

WidowSpider: steeeeeeeeve!

CapA: Why do I hang around with you?

WidowSpider: because I’m better looking than Bucky and I try to find you dates while he just steals them

CapA: You’re a menace.

WidowSpider: yep, but a gorgeous and intelligent menace.

CapA: Also modest.

WidowSpider: I have no need for modesty when it’s true

WidowSpider: waitaminute i had this discussion with maria the other day

WidowSpider: SPRUNG!

WidowSpider: amirite?

WidowSpider: amirite?

WidowSpider: steeeeeve! mariiiiiiaaaa!

WidowSpider: okay, here’s your choices. you confirm or else I’ll tell Stark and you’ll never get a moment’s peace ever again

WidowSpider: he’s still convinced steve’s a virgin

CapA: He’s not a virgin. Go away, Natasha.

WidowSpider: ooooo!!! I think I’m jealous.

CapA: Of him or me?

WidowSpider: Him. And maybe you.

CapA: Just cause I don’t flirt with you.

WidowSpider: awww *hurtface*…3way?

CapA: Go away, Widow.

WidowSpider: <\3


End file.
